


please help me (im begging you)

by shinenct



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Depression, Hearing Voices, Insomnia, Other, Sad, Soft Park Jisung (NCT), Suicidal Thoughts, everyone loves jisung, its gonna be sad im sorry, jisung is sad, jisung needs hugs, just that mines worse oops, nct dream helps jisung, real life experience, so precious, streetlight seo changbin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:36:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24473653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinenct/pseuds/shinenct
Summary: jisung hasnt been himself lately. and he knows it. but he doesnt want to tell anyone.its slowly eating him up and draining him from the colour of lifewill the dreamies find out before its too late?(very slow updates)
Relationships: Park Jisung (NCT)/Everyone
Comments: 4
Kudos: 66





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi so this fic is mostly inspired by what im going through and also by the song streetlights by seo changbin of stray kids go check it out and i hope you enjoy reading!!

it was 1am and everyone had gone to sleep half hour ago

but jisung was just lying in his bed staring at the ceiling in his dark room with small sounds of jaemin's snores coming from the bottom bunk

jisung just stared at the ceiling as he desperately tried to sleep. they had an early schedule the next day and he knew that he needed as many hours of sleep he could get

but he just couldnt

there was a slight problem

the thing is jisung hasnt exactly been himself lately, to be exact the past few months.

no matter how fun and exciting his day was, he could never shrug off the lingering empty feeling in his chest. it weighed him down and made him tired most of the times. but what could he do?

at night, things werent better. he battled the voices in his head and thoughts just flood into his mind, keeping him awake no matter how tired he was.

he didnt ask for help though. he kept telling himself "im fine im fine" over and over again. he knew he wasnt though. but he was just not brave enough to admit it

his body was tired. his mind was tired. he was tired.

but he had no rights to be like this. he has loving hyungs, supportive family, beautiful fans, a happy place to be at, his dream job. he has everything anyone would have ever wanted. he shouldnt be complaining, not when he was this priviledged.

out there, there are so many other people suffering. poverty, starvation, droughts, homelessness, parental issues. he was one of the lucky ones. he had a roof above his head, a family, loving friends who were practically family, food, comfort, and even fans.

who was he to feel like this and complain?

sometimes he wonders. 

why am i in nct? do i deserve this?

yea sure he could dance. he knows that and is famous because of dancing. he has been acknowledged many times through dancing high and the america trip with many other talented dancers.

but what else could he do. his rapping was average, nct had better rappers like mark, taeyong, jeno, jaemin. he wasnt needed. his vocals were even weaker. he couldnt even be compared to taeil, haechan, chenle or renjun. even his dance. yes he may be good, but there were way more talented dancers in nct like ten and yuta 

he wasnt needed. he was just that tall maknae that was lucky enough to be part of nct


	2. why am i like this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung struggles to eat due to a lack of appetire

jisung has always found hiding his emotions relatively easy. it honestly was not that difficult to go out fo the spotlight if you are in an 18 membered group.

nobody realises how much quieter he has gotten, nobody notices how he barely eats and sleeps, nobody notices how he practises way more than usual.

with the comeback everyone's been stressed and tired. they had their own problems to take care of. no one had the time to care about their maknae anyways. there are already so many other problems.. 

the dreamies were once again eating dinner together. everyone was having such a fun time, with laughter echoing from the dinner table.

only jisung was quiet, with his head down as he fiddled with his food but not putting any into his mouth.

being like this for a few months taught him some tactics on how to hide his food, or make it look like he had eaten. it was easy honestly. to put food in others plates when they were talking or pretending to take more food but actually secretly putting some back. it had became a habit.

when the hyungs call him, he just pretends to have heard everything they said and laugh along. after all, a smile masks everything he feels.

and when everyone was done eating, then he would be the last one to leave the place. although that meant that he would wash the dishes. he would rather wash them than put even one scoop of food into his mouth.

it wasnt as if jisung wanted to starve himself. it was just the emptiness in his chest that took away his appetite. no matter how little the amount of food on the plate, it always looked like it could feed an elephant to jisung.

well, guess whos stuck with washing the dishes today again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more chapters to come!!


	3. i want you to help me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung wants help but he cant bring himself to open his mouth

of course there were good days. days where jisung could laugh freely, days where he had an appetite and days where he could sleep.

he treasured these days. these were the times that kept him going through his "slump"

however these days werent that common either

at first he had good days at least thrice a week. but as time passed, it just slowly decreased. from three... to two.... to one... to barely any at all.

jisung felt as if the emptiness and darkness inside him was swallowing him up. like a blackhole that he accidentally found and fell deep into 

he tried so hard to get up but the light always seemed so far. it was there, hovering above him, but he just could not reach it.

jisung wanted to tell someone. he wanted someone that he could rant to, someone he could cry on, someone he could just let all his feelings out to, someone that would comfort him.

he knew he had that someone. the dream members. he knew that they would be there for him. but he just couldnt bring himself to ask for help.

he would look at them, the unspoken words just begging to tumble out of his mouth. but he never had the courage to do so.

he was the anchor of the group. when chenle felt horrible, he came to jisung. when jeno felt worthless, he came to jisung. when haechan was tired, he came to jisung. when renjun was stressed, he came to jisung. when jaemin couldnt sleep, he came to jisung.

he couldnt show that how weak he actually was. they needed him. he was the pillar of the group. he isnt suppose to ask for help. he should be giving help.

but why is it that these days, those 3 words just keep appearing in his head?

"please help me"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! more chapters to come


	4. its tiring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung is tired but for the sake of everyone he will move on

jisung wanted someone to notice honestly.

he was tired, tired of acting like everything is fine when nothing is, tired of putting a fake smile on his face everyday.

he wanted someone to just notice everything that was wrong with him and help him

he just wanted someone to ask if he was okay

he wanted to have someone that he could cry on, let out all his feelings to, he wanted to have someone that could take all the voices away, someone that could keep the demon far from his mind

but he couldnt bring himself to tell any of his hyungs. he was a big enough burden already and didnt want to be a bigger one.

from young he had always relied on himself. he disliked asking for help as he wanted to look strong and he felt as if he wasnt in the position to ask for help.

he was like a pillar that never fell

but now thats the pillar is shaking who should he turn to for help?

-

theres a deadly shine in his eyes.

no, not the one where he just looks so adorable and fascinated, as if he held the galaxy in his eyes. its the one where he just looked so lifeless, so empty, so dull.

it shows. he tried to hide it, but his eyes speak the truth. the emotions that he has been hiding for the past few months. sometimes it shows through his actions. its difficult to pretend that you're fine when you aren't you know?

its obvious honestly. how tired he has become. how much less he talks in front of people. how he has dark eyecircles and eyebags from the lack of sleep. how he was losing weight rapidly. how his actions seemed slower than usual and how he looked so dull. it was obvious for anyone to tell

and he's scared. scared of people finding out. scared of people seeing through his smile. scared of people seeing his hidden feelings. scared of others mocking him and hating him for having this inner demon in his head when he has no rights to. hes scared of being a disappointment.

whenever he looked at his hyungs, he feels a sense of jealously. he knew he shouldnt be feeling like that but he couldnt help it. after all, how could someone live so happily with no burdens like them?

they laugh like theres no tomorrow, crack jokes easily and have such a fun and bright life. wow he was jealous.

-

jisung has never harmed himself. he thought of it many times, even to the point where the blade would rest gently on his skin. he told himself that he wanted it.

but he never had the courgae to. sure he wanted to distract himself from the pain and emptiness in his heart, but with his job, it was almost impossible to hide cut marks.

he wanted so badly to just succumb to the demons and listen to them. but he couldnt risk his hyungs finding out. he couldnt risk the fans finding out 

he couldnt risk them finding out how much of a failure their maknae has become, how the person they idolised was just suffering so much. no he wouldnt let them happen.

he would stay perfect

someone happy, someone bright and their awesome maknae

he will do it 

**for the hyungs, for the fans and for himself**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more chapters to come!


	5. something is wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jaemin notices something wrong with jisung

someone was bound to realise. and that just so happen to be jaemin. he just knew something was wrong with their baby chick.

he could sense it. he was jisungs roommate, the one who spent the most time with him. of course he would notice that something was off with their maknae.

he was quieter than usual, when to bed later than usual, ate less than usual. what exactly was wrong with him? jamein didnt have the answer to that.

"yah jeno ah, do you think something is weird about jisung?"

"what are you talking about jaemin ah?"

weird. no one seemed to notice. jaemin swore that jisung was acting weirdly.

jaemin has tried to talk to jisung about it. but he just completely shut jaemin out. whenever jaemin even got close to that topic, he would make excuses to leave or change the topic completely.

it was honestly weird. but jaemin didnt know what to do.

-

jaemin had enough of figuring everything out on his own. when jisung was out on the personal schedule, he called the dream members for a meeting.

"jaemin ah whats this about?" renjun asked worriedly. it wasnt everyday that they had serious meetings like this.

"its...its about jisung"

almost everyone had a confused look on their faces. all except chenle,haechan and of course jaemin.

"what do you mean? is there something wrong? did you both fight?" renjun started panicking at this time.

"no no we didnt fight. its just... jisung has been acting weirdly these days. i dont know how to describe it but he has been talking less, sleeping less and eating less. its just weird. usually he would always climb into my bed, but for the past few months he has been going up to his bed. its just so... weird."

everyone was shocked.

"d-dont tell me im the only one who noticed" jaemin's voice shook. for sure he wasnt the only one, right?

"no, i felt something off too" chenle cut into jaemins thoughts 

"you know chenji this and that? i dont know but it feels like he is having less fun there. whenever i ask him to play games with me he turns me down. this is jisung we are talking about. he never turns down a game, no matter how tired he gets. i dont know whats wrong with him and i want to help but i also dont know how" 

chenle was on the verge of tears as he buried his face into his hands and haechan was comforting him as he also spoke up.

"chenle's right. and i have also noticed something else. he's an excellent dancer, all of us know that by now. but whenever im practising with the 127 hyungs, i always see him in an empty practice room practicing. he was sweating so much and his eyes barely had focus. but he kept repeating the dance over and over again."

"he also has been asking for more sessions of rap and vocal even the teachers are getting worried for him. what should we do?"

renjun and jeno were shocked. how did they not notice anything.

"j-jaemin ah, is this what you were talking about a week ago?"

jaemin couldnt even bring himself to open his mouth. he just nodded silently and proceed to lie back.

"so what should we do now?" renjun asked worriedly.

it was obvious that the dream members had never experienced something like that before. and now that it happened, it has thrown them all off.

they all sat in silence for the next 15 min, thinking about what they should do to solve the problem.

"wait-" haechan's eyes glowed as he thought of something.

"i think taeyong hyung, taeil hyung and doyoung hyung might know. jungwoo used to deal with anxiety so i think they might have some experience with this things. should i ask them to come over when jisung is out one day? we can talk to them about it."

no words were needed. that was the only thing they could do now. of course all of nct dream would agree.

 **anything for their maknae**.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more chapters to come!  
> i think ill finishing publishing by the end of the week!  
> hope yall are enjoying it so far!


	6. what do we do?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the dreamies have no idea what to do  
> so they do what's best and ask the hyungs for advice

of course taeyong was worried. 

he had never heard haechan that worried and broken. and to think that it was because something was wrong with jisung broke his heart.

they were all seated in dreams dorm now. jisung was out for a magazine shoot so they had plenty of time.

they got straight to the point

"what do you mean something is wrong with jisung?" taeyong asked anxiously.

he was scared. after dealing with what jungwoo went through, he was scared that it might be worse this time. and he was scared that he wouldnt be able to solve it this time.

"so..."

the dreamies told taeil, doyoung and taeyong everything. from all of their observations to how jisung was even acting.

it was evident that something wasnt right.

and taeyong had to do something about it.

"okay, i think the best idea is to wait. we have to wait until he is comfortable to talk about it. we cant push him into things, that will just make matters worse. but in the mean time, all of you please keep an eye on him. ask him and care for him okay? ill talk to the manager about this and ask them to put less pressure on jisung and free up his schedules."

taeyong wasnt that oblivious. he had some sort of idea of what jisung was going through. he felt it once in his life when he was younger. and he would do anything to hekp their maknae go through this tough period.

he knew what to do. he had to do the same as they did to jungwoo. take things slower. he remembered the aftereffects of pushing jungwoo. and he hoped that the same would not happen to jisung. he had to take precautions. for them, for jisung.

"we can do it together okay? jisung will be fine. we can do this"

taeyong reassured the group of 8 (excluding him) as they all got into a group hug together before taeil, doyoung, taeyong and haechan had to leave for 127 schedules.

that left jaemin, jeno, chenle and renjun.

"come on guys, we can do this. we will protect jisung, we will help him get better okay"

"for jisung" renjun said as he pit his hand out and the rest of dream followed

"YO DREAM !! JJEORO JUJA FIGHTING"

**nct was one at that moment**

**for their maknae, they were willing to do anything.**

**even if that meant that they had to fly to the moon,**

**they would still do it.**

but they hope that their maknae would know that he has 20 hyungs that care for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more to come!!


	7. note :"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a small update abt my life and how this book will go

hi guys,

i never really expected this book to even reach 800 reads and of course i am extremely thankful for all of your support towards this

i might come back some time to finish up this book but its either going to be a really slow process throughout this few months or ill just update at the end of the year due to examinations

i must say that this period of time has and is still a really tough time for me both physically and mentally and the only reason im opening up here is because its anoymous.

but yea my mental health honestly hasnt been doing the best and im back to old habits that i thought i have gotten rid of and other thoughts that i thought have already left my mind.

physically, i have also been packed with events in the student council as well as managing my studies at the same time 

so yes this has and will still be a tough period of time for me but i promise ill be back soon with more updates for this book

in the mean time, please show my other books support as well esp the new release 

thank you so so so so much ❤️

ill be back

~r


	8. note pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another short authors note!!

okay dangggg

so this book is really really close to 1000 hits

im so thankful to see this many people enjoy what i have written and i will forever be grateful to all of you

so my exams end in about a weeks time which also means that ill finally have time to finish up this book

as for my health i think i improved a tad bit but have also been regressing so we'll see how that goes

i know it has been a really really long time and i appreciate yall for waiting this long and some even leaving comments

i promise ill be back with better writing skills

till then,  
r

**Author's Note:**

> ill try  
> thank you so much


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